ADAPTED FOR THE STAGE BY SHAAN KATARI LIBBY
Chapter I
AN UNEXPECTED PARTY
NARRATOR
1, BILBO, GANDALF, KILI, FILI, OIN, GLOIN, BALIN, DWALIN, ORI, NORI, DORI,
THORIN, BIFUR, BOFUR, BOMBUR, GANDALF (old man with a staff, tall blue hat,
long grey cloak, silver scarf, long white beard hung down below his waist,
immense black boots).
NARRATOR
1: In a hole in the ground there lived a hobbit. Not a nasty, dirty, wet hole: it
was a hobbit-hole, and that means comfort. It had a perfectly round green door
like a porthole, with a shiny yellow brass knob in the exact middle.
This
hobbit was a very well-to-do hobbit, and his name was Baggins. The Bagginses
had lived in the neighbourhood for years, and people considered them very respectable,
not only because most of them were rich, but also because they never had any
adventures or did anything unexpected.
This
is a story of how a Baggins had an adventure, and found himself doing and
saying things altogether unexpected. He may have lost the neighbours’ respect,
but he gained — well, you will see whether he gained anything in the end.
NARRATOR
1: What is a hobbit? Well, they are a little people, about half our
height,
and smaller than the bearded Dwarves; they dress in bright colours (chiefly
green and yellow); wear no shoes, have long clever brown fingers, good-natured
faces,
and laugh deep fruity laughs - especially after dinner, which they have twice a
day when they can get it.
Now,
the mother of this hobbit — of Bilbo Baggins, that is — was the famous
Belladonna Took. It was often said (in other families) that long ago one of the
Took ancestors must have taken a fairy
wife, and once in a while members of the Took-
clan would go and have adventures. They discreetly disappeared, and the
family hushed it up; but the fact
remained that the Tooks were not as respectable as the Bagginses, though they
were undoubtedly richer.
Not
that Belladonna Took ever had any adventures after she became Mrs. Bungo
Baggins. Still it is probable that Bilbo, her only son, although he looked and
behaved exactly like a second edition of his solid and comfortable father, got
something a bit queer in his make-up from the Took side, something that only
waited for a chance to come out. The chance never arrived, until Bilbo Baggins
was grown up, being about fifty years old or so, and living in the beautiful
hobbit-hole built by his father, until by some curious chance one morning long
ago — Gandalf came by. Tales and adventures sprouted up all over the place
wherever Gandalf went, in the most extraordinary fashion.
BILBO:
Good Morning!
GANDALF:
“What do you mean? Do you wish me a good morning, or mean that it is a good morning whether I want it or not; or
that you feel good this morning; or that it is a morning to be good on?
BILBO:
All of them at once, and a very fine morning it is, for there’s no hurry, we
have all the day before us!
GANDALF:
I am looking for someone to share in an adventure that I am arranging, and it’s
very difficult to find anyone.
BILBO:
I should think so — in these parts! We are plain quiet folk and have no use for
adventures. Nasty disturbing uncomfortable things! Make you late for dinner! Good morning! We don’t want any adventures
here, thank you! You might try over The Hill or across The Water.
GANDALF:
What a lot of things you do use Good morning for! Now you mean that you want to
get rid of me, and that it won’t be good till I move off.
BILBO:
Not at all, not at all, my dear sir! Let me see, I don’t think I know your
name?
GANDALF:
Yes, yes, my dear sir — and I do know your name, Mr. Bilbo Baggins. And you do
know my name, though you don’t remember that I belong to it. I am Gandalf, and
Gandalf means me! To think that I should have lived to be good-morninged by Belladonna Took’s son, as if I was selling
buttons at the door!
BILBO:
Gandalf, Gandalf! Good gracious me! Not the wandering wizard that gave Old Took
a pair of magic diamond studs that fastened themselves and never came undone
till ordered? Not the fellow who used to tell such wonderful tales at parties,
about dragons and goblins and giants and the rescue of princesses? Not the man
that used to make such particularly excellent fireworks! I remember those!
Splendid! Dear me! Not the Gandalf who was responsible for so many quiet lads
and lasses going off into the Blue for mad adventures? Bless me, life used to
be quite inter — I mean, you used to upset things badly in these parts once
upon a time. I beg your pardon, but I had no idea you were still in business.
GANDALF:
Where else should I be? All the same I am pleased to find you remember
something about me. You seem to remember my fireworks kindly, at any rate, and
that is not without hope. Indeed for your old grandfather Took’s sake, and for
the sake of poor Belladonna, I will give you what you asked for.
BILBO:
I beg your pardon, I haven’t asked for anything!
GANDALF:
Yes, you have! Twice now. My pardon. I give it you. In fact I will go so far as
to send you on this adventure. Very amusing for me, very good for you — and
profitable too, very likely, if you ever get over it.
BILBO:
Sorry! I don’t want any adventures, thank you. Not today. Good morning! But
please come to tea — any time you like! Why not tomorrow? Come tomorrow! Good
bye!
NARRATOR
1: And with this he scuttled inside his round green door, and shut it as
quickly as he dared, not to seem rude. Wizards after all are wizards.
BILBO:
What on earth did I ask him to tea for!
NARRATOR
1: Gandalf in the meantime was still standing outside the door, and laughing
long but quietly. After a while he stepped up, and with the spike on his staff
scratched a queer sign on the hobbit’s beautiful green front-door. Then he
strode away, just about the time when Bilbo was finishing his second cake and
beginning to think that he had escaped adventures very well. The next day he
had almost forgotten about Gandalf. Just before tea-time there came a
tremendous ring on the front-door bell, and then he remembered!
(He rushed and put on the kettle, and put out another cup and saucer,
and an extra cake or two, and ran to the door.)
BILBO:
I am so sorry to keep you waiting! OH!
(He sees a dwarf with a blue beard tucked into a golden belt, and very
bright eyes under his dark- green hood. As soon as the door was opened, he
pushed inside, just as if he had been expected. Hung his hooded cloak on the
nearest peg.)
DWALIN:
Dwalin at your service! (with a low bow)
silence
BILBO:
I am just about to take tea; pray come and have some with me.
NARRATOR
1: They had not been at table long, in fact they had hardly reached the third
cake, when there came another even louder ring at the bell.
BILBO:
Excuse me!
(A
very old-looking dwarf on the step with a
white beard and a scarlet hood; and he too hopped inside as soon as the door
was open, just as if he had been invited.)
BALIN:
I see they have begun to arrive already. Balin at your service!
BILBO:
Thank you! Come along in, and have some tea!
BALIN:
A little beer would suit me better, if it is all the same to you, my good sir,
But I don’t mind some cake — seed-cake, if you have any.
BILBO:
Lots!
NARRATOR
1: When he got back Balin and Dwalin were talking at the table like old friends
- as a matter of fact they were brothers. Bilbo plumped down the beer and the
cake in front of them, when loud came a ring at the bell again, and then
another ring. “Gandalf for certain this time,” he thought as he puffed along
the passage. But it was not. It was two more dwarves!
(both with blue hoods, silver belts, and yellow beards; and each of them
carried a bag of tools and a spade. In they hopped, as soon as the door began
to open — Bilbo was hardly surprised at all.)
BILBO:What
can I do for you, my dwarves?
KILI:
Kili at your service!
FILI:
And Fili!
(and they both swept off their blue hoods and bowed.)
BILBO:
At yours and your family’s!
KILI:
Dwalin and Balin here already. Let us join the throng!
BILBO:
Throng! I don’t like the sound of that. I really must sit down for a minute and
collect my wits, and have a drink.
(The four dwarves sat round the table, and talked about mines and gold
and troubles with the goblins, and the depredations of dragons)
DOORBELL SOUND
BILBO:
Someone at the door!
FILI:
Some four, I should say by the sound. Besides, we saw them coming along behind
us in the distance.
(He answers the door to five
dwarves, all inside bowing…)
DORI:Dori
at your service.
NORI:
Nori at your service.
ORI:
Ori, at your service.
OIN:
Oin, at your service.
GLOIN:
Gloin, at your service.
(Very soon two purple hoods, a grey hood, a brown hood, and a white hood
were hanging on the pegs, and off they marched with their broad hands stuck in
their gold and silver belts to join the others. Already it had almost become a
throng. Some called for ale, and some for porter, and one for coffee, and all
of them for cakes; so the hobbit was kept very busy for a while).
A
loud knock. Not a ring, but a hard rat-tat
(They fell in, one on top of the other. More dwarves, four more! And
there was Gandalf behind, leaning on his staff and laughing.)
GANDALF:
Carefully! Carefully! It is not like you, Bilbo, to keep friends waiting on the
mat, and then open the door like a pop-gun! Let me introduce Bifur, Bofur,
Bombur, and especially Thorin!
BIFUR,
BOFUR, BOMBUR: At your service!
(They
hung up two yellow hoods and a pale green one; and also a sky-blue one with a
long silver tassel. This last belonged to Thorin.)
NARRATOR
1: An enormously important dwarf, in fact no other than the great Thorin
Oakenshield himself, who was not at all pleased at falling flat on Bilbo’s mat
with Bifur, Bofur, and Bombur on top of him. Thorin indeed was very haughty,
and said nothing about service.
GANDALF:
Now we are all here! Quite a merry gathering! I hope there is something left
for the late-comers to eat and drink! What’s that? Tea! No thank you! A little
red wine, I think for me.
THORIN:
And for me.
BIFUR:
And raspberry jam and apple-tart.
BOFUR:
And mince-pies and cheese.
BOMBUR:
And pork-pie and salad.
REST:
And more cakes — and ale — and coffee, if you don’t mind.
GANDALF:
Put on a few eggs, there’s a good fellow! And just bring out the cold chicken
and pickles!
BILBO:
Seems to know as much about the inside of my larders as I do myself!
NARRATOR
1: Mr. Baggins was feeling positively flummoxed, and was beginning to wonder
whether a most wretched adventure had not come right into his house. By the
time he had got all the bottles and dishes and knives and forks and glasses and
plates and spoons and things piled up on big trays, he was getting very hot,and
red in the face, and annoyed.
BILBO:
Confusticate and bebother these dwarves! Why don’t they come and lend a
NARRATOR
1: Lo and behold! there stood Balin and Dwalin at the door of the kitchen, and
Fili and Kili behind them, and before he could say knife they had whisked the
trays and a couple of small tables into the parlour and set out everything
afresh. Gandalf sat at the head of the party with the thirteen dwarves all
round: and the dwarves ate and ate, and
talked and talked, until at last they pushed their chairs back, and Bilbo made
a move to collect the plates and glasses.
BILBO:
I suppose you will all stay to supper?
THORIN:
Of course! And after. We shan’t get through the business till late, and we must
have some music first. Now to clear up!
NARRATOR
1: The twelve dwarves — not Thorin, jumped to their feet, and made tall piles of all the things. Off they went, not
waiting for trays, balancing columns of
plates.
BILBO:
Please be careful! Please, don’t trouble! I can manage.
DWARVES:
Chip the glasses and crack the plates! Blunt the knives and bend the
forks!
That’s what Bilbo Baggins hates- Smash the bottles and burn the corks!
Cut the cloth and tread on the fat! Pour the milk on the pantry floor!
Leave the bones on the bedroom mat! Splash the wine on every door!
Dump the crocks in a boiling bowl; Pound them up with a thumping pole;
And when you’ve finished, if any are whole, Send them down the hall to
roll!
That’s what Bilbo Baggins hates! So, carefully! carefully with the
plates!
NARRATOR
1: And of course they did none of these dreadful things, and everything was cleaned and put away safe as quick as
lightning, while the hobbit was turning round and round in the middle of the
kitchen trying to see what they were doing.
THORIN:
Now for some music! Bring out the instruments!
(Kili
and Fili rush for their bags and bring back little fiddles; Dori, Nori, and Ori
bring out flutes from inside their coats; Bombur produces a drum from the hall;
Bifur and Bofur come back with clarinets that they had left among the
walking-sticks.)
DWALIN
and BALIN: Excuse me, I left mine in the porch!
THORIN:
Just bring mine in with you!
(They come back with viols as big as themselves, and with Thorin’ s harp
wrapped in a green cloth. It was a beautiful golden harp.)
NARRATOR
1: When Thorin struck his golden harp the music began all at once, so sudden
and sweet that Bilbo forgot everything else, and was swept very far from his
hobbit-hole under The Hill.
Far over the misty mountains cold
To dungeons deep and caverns old
We must away ere break of day
To seek the pale enchanted gold.
The dwarves of yore made mighty spells,
While hammers fell like ringing bells
In places deep, where dark things sleep,
In hollow halls beneath the fells.
For ancient king and elvish lord
There many a gleaming golden hoard
They shaped and wrought, and light they caught
To hide in gems on hilt of sword.
On silver necklaces they strung
The flowering stars, on crowns they hung
The dragon-fire, in twisted wire
They meshed the light of moon and sun.
Far over the misty mountains cold
To dungeons deep and caverns old
We must away, ere break of day,
To claim our long-forgotten gold.
Goblets
they carved there for themselves
And
harps of gold; where no man delves
There
lay they long, and many a song
Was
sung unheard by men or elves.
The
pines were roaring on the height,
The
winds were moaning in the night.
The
fire was red, it flaming spread;
The
trees like torches blazed with light.
The
bells were ringing in the dale
And
men looked up with faces pale;
The
dragon’s ire more fierce than fire
Laid
low their towers and houses frail.
The
mountain smoked beneath the moon;
The
dwarves, they heard the tramp of doom.
They
fled their hall to dying fall
Beneath
his feet, beneath the moon.
Far
over the misty mountains grim
To
dungeons deep and caverns dim
We
must away, ere break of day,
To
win our harps and gold from him!
Narrator
1: Darkness fell as they sang, and something Tookish woke up inside the hobbit,
and he wished to go and see the great
mountains, and hear the pine-trees and the waterfalls, and explore the caves,
and wear a sword instead of a walking-stick. He got up trembling.
THORIN:
Where are you going?
BILBO:
What about a little light?
DWARVES:
We like the dark. Dark for dark business! There are many hours before dawn.
BILBO:
Of course! (sits down in a hurry, misses
the stool, knocks it over with a crash.)
GANDALF:
Hush! Let Thorin speak!
THORIN:
Gandalf, dwarves and Mr. Baggins! We are met together in the house of our
friend and fellow conspirator, this most excellent and audacious hobbit — may
the hair on his toes never fall out! all praise to his wine and ale! We are met
to discuss our plans, our ways, means,
policy and devices. We shall soon before the break of day start on our long journey, a
journey from which some of us may never return. It is a solemn moment.
BILBO:AAAAGGGHHHH!
NARRATOR
1: Gandalf struck a blue light on the end of his magic staff, and in its
firework glare the poor little hobbit could be seen kneeling on the hearth-rug,
shaking like a jelly that was melting.
Then he fell flat on the floor…
BILBO:
Struck by lightning, struck by lightning!
GANDALF:
Excitable little fellow. Gets funny queer fits, but he is one of the best, one
of the best — as fierce as a dragon in a pinch.
GLOIN:
Humph! Will he do, do you think? It is all very well for Gandalf to talk about
this hobbit being fierce, but one shriek like that in a moment of excitement would be enough to wake the dragon and all his
relatives, and kill the lot of us. I think it sounded more like fright than
excitement! He looks more like a grocer than a burglar!
BILBO:
Pardon me, if I have overheard words that you were saying. I don’t pretend to
understand what you are talking about, or your reference to burglars, but I
think I am right in believing that you think I am no good. I will show you.
Tell me what you want done, and I will
try it. I had a great-great-great-grand-uncle once, Bullroarer Took, and — ”
GLOIN:
Yes, yes, but that was long ago. I was talking about you. Gandalf told us that there was a burglar in these parts
looking for a Job at once, and that he had arranged for a meeting here this
Wednesday tea-time.
GANDALF:
Yes, and for very good reasons. You asked me to find the fourteenth man for your expedition, and I chose Mr. Baggins.
Just let any one say I chose the wrong
man or the wrong house, and you can stop at thirteen and have all the bad luck
you like, or go back to digging coal.
(GANDALF scowled all around.)
GANDALF:
I have chosen Mr. Baggins and that ought to be enough for all of you. If I say
he is a Burglar, a Burglar he is, or will be when the time comes. There is a
lot more in him than you guess, and a deal more than he has any idea of
himself. You may (possibly) all live to
thank me yet. Now Bilbo, my boy, fetch the lamp, and let’s have a little light on this! (On the table he spread a piece of
parchment)
This
was made by Thror, your grandfather, Thorin. It is a plan of the Mountain.
THORIN:
I don’t see that this will help us much. I remember the Mountain well enough and the lands about it. And I know
where Mirkwood is, and the Withered Heath where the great dragons bred.
BALIN:
There is a dragon marked in red on the Mountain, but it will be easy enough to
find him without that, if ever we arrive there.
GANDALF:
There is one point that you haven’t noticed, and that is the secret entrance.
You see that rune on the West side, and the hand pointing to it from the other
runes? That marks a hidden passage to the Lower Halls.
THORIN:
It may have been secret once, but how do we know that it is secret any longer? Old Smaug has lived there long
enough now to find out anything there is to know about those caves.
GANDALF:
He may — but he can’t have used it for years and years.
THORIN:
Why?
GANDALF:
Because it is too small. Five feet high the door and three may walk abreast but
Smaug could not creep into a hole that size, not even when he was a young
dragon, certainly not after devouring so many of the dwarves and men of Dale.
BILBO:
It seems a great big hole to me! How could such a large door be kept secret
from everybody outside, apart from the dragon?
GANDALF:
From what it says on the map I should guess there is a closed door which has
been made to look exactly like the side of the Mountain. That is the usual
dwarves’ method — I think that is right, isn’t it?
THORIN:
Quite right.
GANDALF:
Also, I forgot to mention that with the map went a key, a small and curious
key. Here it is! Keep it safe!
THORIN:
Indeed I will.
NARRATOR
1: Thorin fastened the silver key upon a fine chain that hung about his neck
and under his jacket.
THORIN:
Now things begin to look more hopeful. This news alters them much for the
better. So far we have had no clear idea what to do. We thought of going East,
as quiet and careful as we could, as far as the Long Lake. After that the
trouble would begin — .
GANDALF:A
long time before that, if I know anything about the roads East…
THORIN:
We might go from there up along the River Running, and so to the ruins of Dale
— the old town in the valley there, under the shadow of the Mountain. But we
none of us liked the idea of the Front Gate. The river runs right out of it
through the great cliff at the South of the Mountain, and out of it comes the
dragon too — far too often, unless he has changed his habits.
GANDALF:That
would be no good, not without a mighty Warrior, even a Hero. I tried to find one;
but warriors are busy fighting one another in distant lands, and in this
neighbourhood heroes are scarce, or simply not to be found. Swords in these
parts are mostly blunt, and axes are used for trees, and shields as cradles or
dish-covers; and dragons are comfortably far-off. That is why I settled on
burglary — especially when I remembered the existence of a Side- door. And here
is our little Bilbo Baggins, the burglar, the chosen and selected burglar. So
now let’s get on and make some plans.
THORIN:
Very well then, supposing the burglar-expert gives us some ideas or
suggestions.
BILBO:
First I should like to know a bit more about things, I mean about the gold and
the dragon, and all that, and how it got there, and who it belongs to, and so
on and further.
THORIN:
Bless me! Haven’t you got a map? and didn’t you hear our song? and haven’t we
been talking about all this for hours?
BILBO:
All the same, I should like it all plain and clear. Also I should like to know
about risks, out-of-pocket expenses, time required and remuneration, and so forth.
NARRATOR
1: By this he meant: “What am I going to get out of it? and am I going to come
back alive?”
THORIN:
O very well! Long ago in my grandfather Thror’s time our family was driven out
of the far North, and came back with all their wealth and their tools to this
Mountain on the map. It had been discovered by my far ancestor, Thrain the Old,
but now they mined and they tunnelled
and I believe they found a good deal of gold and a great many jewels too. Anyway
they grew immensely rich and famous, and my grandfather was King under the
Mountain again, and treated with great reverence by the mortal men, who lived to the South, and
were gradually spreading up the Running River as far as the valley overshadowed
by the Mountain. They built the merry town of Dale there in those days. Kings
used to send for our smiths, and reward even the least skillful most richly.
Fathers would beg us to take their sons as apprentices, and pay us handsomely,
especially in food-supplies, which we never bothered to grow or find for
ourselves. Altogether those were good days for us, and the poorest of us had
money to spend and to lend, and leisure to make beautiful things just for the
fun of it, not to speak of the most marvellous and magical toys, the like of
which is not to be found in the world now-a-days. So my grandfather’s halls
became full of armour and jewels and carvings and cups, and the toy market of
Dale was the wonder of the North. Undoubtedly that was what brought the dragon.
Dragons steal gold and jewels, you know, from men and elves and dwarves,
wherever they can find them; and they guard their plunder as long as they live
which is practically for ever, unless they are killed, and never enjoy a brass
ring of it. Indeed they hardly know a good bit of work from a bad, though they
usually have a good notion of the current market value; and they can’t make a
thing for themselves, not even mend a little loose scale of their armour. There
were lots of dragons in the North in those days, and gold was probably getting
scarce up there, with the dwarves flying south or getting killed, and all the
general waste and destruction that dragons make going from bad to worse. There
was a most especially greedy, strong and wicked worm called Smaug. One day he
flew up into the air and came south. The first we heard of it was a noise like
a hurricane coming from the North, and the pine-trees on the Mountain creaking
and cracking in the wind. Some of the dwarves who happened to be outside (I was
one luckily — a fine adventurous lad in those days, always wandering about, and
it saved my life that day) — well, from a good way off we saw the dragon settle
on our mountain in a spout of flame. Then he came down the slopes and when he
reached the woods they all went up in fire. By that time all the bells were
ringing in Dale and the warriors were arming. The dwarves rushed out of their
great gate; but there was the dragon waiting for them. None escaped that way.
The river rushed up in steam and a fog fell on Dale, and in the fog the dragon
came on them and destroyed most of the warriors — the usual unhappy story, it
was only too common in those days. Then he went back and crept in through the
Front Gate and routed out all the halls, and lanes, and tunnels, alleys,
cellars, mansions and passages. After that there were no dwarves left alive
inside, and he took all their wealth for himself. Probably, for that is the
dragons’ way, he has piled it all up in a great heap far inside, and sleeps on
it for a bed. Later he used to crawl out of the great gate and come by night to
Dale, and carry away people, especially maidens, to eat, until Dale was ruined,
and all the people dead or gone. What goes on there now I don’t know for
certain, but I don’t suppose any one lives nearer to the Mountain than the far
edge of the Long Lake now-a-days. The few of us that were well outside sat and
wept in hiding, and cursed Smaug; and there we were unexpectedly joined by my
father and my grandfather with singed beards. They looked very grim but they
said very little. When I asked how they had got away, they told me to hold my
tongue, and said that one day in the proper time I should know. After that we
went away, and we have had to earn our livings as best we could up and down the
lands, often enough sinking as low as blacksmith-work or even coalmining. But
we have never forgotten our stolen treasure. And even now, when I will allow we
have a good bit laid by and are not so badly off” — here Thorin stroked the
gold chain round his neck — we still mean to get it back, and to bring our
curses home to Smaug — if we can. I have often wondered about my father’s and
my grandfather’s escape. I see now they must have had a private Side-door which
only they knew about. But apparently they made a map, and I should like to know
how Gandalf got hold of it, and why it did not come down to me, the rightful
heir.
GANDALF:I
did not ‘get hold of it,’ I was given it. Your grandfather Thror was killed,
you remember, in the mines of Moria by Azog the Goblin.
THORIN:
Curse his name, yes.
GANDALF:And
Thrain your father went away on the twenty-first of April, a hundred years ago
last Thursday, and has never been seen by you since-
THORIN:
True, true.
GANDALF:
Well, your father gave me this to give to you; and if I have chosen my own time
and way for handing it over, you can hardly blame me, considering the trouble I
had to find you. Your father could not remember his own name when he gave me
the paper, and he never told me yours; so on the whole I think I ought to be
praised and thanked! Here it is.
NARRATOR
1: He handed the map to Thorin.
THORIN:
I don’t understand.
GANDALF:
Your grandfather, gave the map to his son for safety before he went to the
mines of Moria. Your father went away to try his luck with the map after your
grandfather was killed; and lots of adventures of a most unpleasant sort he
had, but he never got near the Mountain. How he got there I don’t know, but I
found him a prisoner in the dungeons of the Necromancer.
THORIN:
Whatever were you doing there?
NARRATOR
1: All the dwarves shivered.
GANDALF:Never
you mind. I was finding things out, as usual; and a nasty dangerous business it
was. Even I, Gandalf, only just escaped. I tried to save your father, but it
was too late. He was witless and wandering, and had forgotten almost everything
except the map and the key.
THORIN:
We have long ago paid the goblins of Moria, we must give a thought to the
Necromancer.
GANDALF:
Don’t be absurd! He is an enemy far beyond the powers of all the dwarves put
together, if they could all be collected again from the four corners of the
world. The one thing your father wished was for his son to read the map and use
the key. The dragon and the Mountain are more than big enough tasks for you!
BILBO:
Hear, hear!
DWARVES:
Hear what?
BILBO:
Hear what I have got to say!
DWARVES:
What’s that?
BILBO:
Well, I should say that you ought to go East and have a look round. After all
there is the Side-door, and dragons must sleep sometimes, I suppose. If you sit
on the door-step long enough, I daresay you will think of something. And well,
don’t you know, I think we have talked long enough for one night, if you see
what I mean. What about bed, and an early start, and all that? I will give you
a good breakfast before you go.
THORIN:
Before we go, I suppose you mean. Aren’t you the burglar? And isn’t sitting on
the door-step your job, not to speak of getting inside the door? But I agree
about bed and breakfast. I like six eggs with my ham, when starting on a
journey: fried not poached, and mind you don’t break ’em.
NARRATOR
1: After all the others had ordered their breakfasts without so much as a
please - which annoyed Bilbo very much, they all got up. The hobbit had to find
room for them all, and filled all his spare-rooms and went to his own little
bed very tired and not altogether
happy. One thing he did make his mind up about was not to bother to get up very
early and cook everybody else’s wretched breakfast. The Tookishness was wearing
off, and he was now not so sure that he was going on any journey in the
morning. As he lay in bed he could hear Thorin still humming to himself in the
best bedroom next to him:
Far over the misty mountains cold
To dungeons deep and caverns old
We must away, ere break of day,
To find our long-forgotten gold.
Bilbo
went to sleep with that in his ears, and it gave him very uncomfortable dreams.
It was long after the break of day, when he woke up.
Chapter
II - ROAST MUTTON
Narrator
2, Bilbo, Gandalf, KILI, FILI, OIN, GLOIN, BALIN, DWALIN, ORI, NORI, DORI,
THORIN, BIFUR, BOFUR, BOMBUR, Trolls (3)
PROPS NEEDED: Splendid
white horse (on a stick) for Gandalf, ponies for the dwarves
Large papier mache heads for the trolls
NARRATOR
2: Up jumped Bilbo, and putting on his dressing-gown went into the dining-room.
There he saw nobody, but all the signs of a large and hurried breakfast. There
was a fearful mess in the room. Indeed he was really relieved after all to
think that they had all gone without him, and without bothering to wake him up “but with never a thank- you” he thought;
and yet in a way he could not help feeling
just a trifle disappointed. The feeling surprised him.
BILBO:
Don’t be a fool, Bilbo Baggins! Thinking of dragons and all that outlandish
nonsense at your age!
NARRATOR
2: So he put on an apron, lit fires, boiled water, and washed up. Then he had a
nice little breakfast in the kitchen. Bilbo was just sitting down to a nice
little second breakfast in the dining-room, when in walked Gandalf .
GANDALF:
My dear fellow, whenever are you going to come? What about an early start ? —
and here you are having breakfast, or whatever you call it, at half past ten!
They left you the message, because they could not wait.”
BILBO:
What message?
GANDALF:
Great Elephants! You are not at all yourself this morning — you have never
dusted the mantelpiece!
BILBO:
What’s that got to do with it? I have had enough to do with washing up for
fourteen!
GANDALF:
If you had dusted the mantelpiece, you would have found this just under the
clock.
NARRATOR
2: It was a note written, of course, on his own note-paper. This is what he
read: Thorin and Company to Burglar Bilbo greeting! For your hospitality our
sincerest thanks, and for your offer of professional assistance our grateful acceptance. Terms: cash on delivery, up
to and not exceeding one fourteenth of total profits (if any); all travelling
expenses guaranteed in any event; funeral expenses to be defrayed by us or our
representatives, if occasion arises and the matter is not otherwise arranged for. Thinking
it unnecessary to disturb your esteemed
repose, we have proceeded in advance to make requisite preparations, and shall
await your respected person at the Green Dragon Inn, Bywater, at 11am sharp.
Trusting that you will be punctual, We have the honour to remain Yours deeply, Thorin
& Co.
GANDALF:
That leaves you just ten minutes. You will have to run!
BILBO:
But —
GANDALF:
No time for it.
BILBO:
But —
GANDALF:
No time for that either! Off you go!
NARRATOR
2: To the end of his days Bilbo could never remember how he found himself
outside, without a hat, a walking-stick or any money, or anything that he
usually took when he went out; leaving his second breakfast half-finished and
quite unwashed-up, pushing his keys into Gandalf’ s hands, and running as fast
as his furry feet could carry him down the lane, past the great Mill, across
The Water, and then on for a mile or more. Very puffed he was, when he got to
Bywater just on the stroke of eleven, and found he had come without a
pocket-handkerchief!
BALIN:
Bravo!
(Just then all the others came round the
corner of the road from the village. They were on ponies)
THORIN:
Up you two get, and off we go!
BILBO:
I’m awfully sorry, but I have come without my hat, and I have left my pocket-
handkerchief behind, and I haven’t got any money. I didn’t get your note until
after 10.45 to be precise.
DWALIN:
Don’t be precise, and don’t worry! You will have to manage without pocket-
handkerchiefs, and a good many other things, before you get to the journey’s
end. As for a hat, I have got a spare hood and cloak in my luggage.
NARRATOR
2: That’s how they all came to start, jogging off from the inn one fine morning
just before May, when up came Gandalf very splendid on a white horse. He had
brought a lot of pocket-handkerchiefs. So after that the party went along very
merrily, and they told stories or sang songs as they rode forward all day, and Bilbo began to feel that adventures were
not so bad after all.
KILI
& FILI: At first we pass through hobbit-lands, inhabited by decent folk,
with good roads, an inn or two, and now and then a dwarf or a farmer ambling by
on business.
OIN
& GLOIN: Now we come to lands where people speak strangely, and sing songs.
BILBO:
That I have never heard before.
BALIN
& DWALIN: Now we have gone on far into the Lone-lands, where there are no
people left, no inns, and the roads grow steadily worse. Not far ahead are
dreary hills, rising higher and higher, dark with trees.
ORI
& NORI: Some old castles have an evil look, as if they have been built by
wicked people. Everything seems gloomy, for the weather has taken a nasty turn.
BILBO:
To think it will soon be June!
DORI
& BIFUR:The rain continues to pouring, dripping into our eyes, our cloaks arefull
of water; the pones are tired and stumbling on stones; everyone is too grumpy
to talk.
BILBO:
Bother burgling and everything to do with it! I wish I was at home in my nice
hole by the fire, with the kettle just beginning to sing!
NARRATOR
2: It was not the last time that he wished that!
BOFUR
& BOMBUR: Still we dwarves jog on. It has begun to get dark as we go down
this deep valley with a river at the bottom. We are stopping.
THORIN:
And where shall we get a dry patch to sleep on?
NARRATOR
2: Not until then did they notice that Gandalf was missing. So far he had come
all the way with them, never saying if he was in the adventure or merely
keeping them company for a while. He had eaten most, talked most, and laughed
most. But now he simply was not there at all!
DORI
& NORI: Just when a wizard would have been most useful, too!
OIN
& GLOIN: Mischief seems to have got into the fire. Even we Oin and Gloin
cannot start one tonight, and we are, as you know, specially good at it.
FILI
& KILI: One of the ponies has taken fright at nothing and bolted. He’s in
the river-let’s catch him!
NARRATOR
2: There they all sat glum and wet and muttering, while Oin and Gloin went on
trying to light the fire, and quarrelling about it. Bilbo was sadly reflecting
that adventures are not all pony-rides in May sunshine.
BALIN:
There’s a light over there!
NARRATOR
2: When they had looked at it for some while, they fell to arguing.
KILI
& FILI: No!
OIN
& GLOIN: Yes!
BALIN
& DWALIN: We could but go and see - anything is better than so little
supperand wet clothes all the night.
ORI
& NORI: These parts are none too well known, and are too near the
mountains. Travellers seldom come this way now. The old maps are no use: things
have changed for the worse and the road is unguarded.
DORI
& BIFUR: They have seldom even heard of the king round here.
BIFUR:
The less inquisitive you are as you go along, the less trouble you are likely
to find.
BOMBUR:
After all there are fourteen of us!
BOFUR:
Where has Gandalf got to?
NARRATOR
2: Then the rain began to pour down worse than ever, and Oin and Gloin began to
fight.
OIN
& GLOIN: After all we have got a burglar with us.
BOFUR:
Here we go behind brave Oin and Gloin = or foolish perhaps - leading ourponies
in the direction of the light.
BIFUR:
Strange! There is no proper path to be seen, such as might lead to a house or a
farm;
DORI:
Gosh - Suddenly that red light seems awfully bright through the tree-trunks not
far ahead.
NORI
& ORI: Now it is the burglar’s turn.
THORIN:
You must go on and find out all about that light, and what it is for, and if all
is perfectly safe and canny. Now scuttle off, and come back quick, if all is
well. If not, come back if you can! If you can’t, hoot twice like a barn-owl
and once like a screech-owl, and we will do what we can.
NARRATOR
2: Off Bilbo had to go, before he could explain that he could not hoot even
once like any kind of owl any more than fly like a bat. But at any rate hobbits
can move quietly in woods, absolutely quietly. And this is what he saw. Three
very large persons sitting round a very large fire toasting mutton on long
spits of wood, and licking the gravy off their fingers. They were trolls.
Obviously trolls. Even Bilbo, in spite of his sheltered life, could see that!
BERT
THE TROLL: Mutton yesterday, mutton today, and blimey, if it don’t look like
mutton again tomorrer.
TOMASINA
THE TROLL: Never a blinking bit of manflesh have we had for long enough. What
the ’ell William was a-thinkin’ of to bring us into these parts at all, beats
me — and the drink runnin’ short, what’s more.
WILLIAM
THE TROLL: (CHOKING) Shut yer mouth! Yer can’t expect folk to stop here for
ever just to be et by you and Bert. You’ve et a village and a half between yer,
since we come down from the mountains. How much more d’yer want? And time’s
been up our way, when yer’d have said ‘thank yer Bill’ for a nice bit o’ fat
valley mutton like what this is.
NARRATOR
2: He took a big bite off a sheep’s leg he was roasting, and wiped his lips on
his sleeve. A first-class and legendary burglar would at this point have picked
the trolls’ pockets. Bilbo knew it. he wished himself a hundred miles away, and
yet — and yet somehow he could not go straight back to Thorin and Company
emptyhanded. So he stood and hesitated in the shadows, and at last crept behind
a tree just behind William.
TOMASINA:
Let’s go to the barrel for another drink, what do you say Bert?
BERT:
Yes let’s Tomasina.
NARRATOR
2: Bilbo plucked up courage and put his little hand in William’s enormous
pocket. There was a purse in it, as big as a bag to Bilbo.
BILBO:
Ha! This is a beginning!
NARRATOR
2: It was! Trolls’ purses are the mischief, and this was no exception.
PURSE
SOUND: Ere, ’oo are you?
(William turns around at once and grabs Bilbo by the neck)
WILLIAM
THE TROLL: Blimey, Bert, look what I’ve copped!
BERT
& TOMASINA: What is it? Lumme, if I knows! What are yer?
BILBO:
Bilbo Baggins, a bur — a hobbit.
NARRATOR
2: Poor Bilbo was shaking all over, and wondering how to make owl-noises before
they throttled him.
TROLLS:
A burrahobbit?
NARRATOR
2: They were a bit startled. Trolls are slow on the uptake, and mighty
suspicious about anything new to them.
WILLIAM:
What’s a burrahobbit got to do with my pocket, anyways?
TOMASINA:
And can yer cook ’em?
BERT:
Yer can try.(picking up a skewer).
WILLIAM:
He wouldn’t make above a mouthful, not when he was skinned and boned.
BERT:
P’raps there are more like him round about, and we might make a pie. Here you,
are there any more of your sort a-sneakin’ in these here woods, yer nassty
little rabbit?
BILBO:
Yes, lots – that is - No none at all, not one.
BERT:
What d’yer mean?” said Bert, holding him right way up, by the hair this time
BILBO:
What I say. And please don’t cook me! I am a good cook myself, and cook better
than I cook, if you see what I mean. I’ll cook beautifully for you, a perfectly
beautiful breakfast for you, if only you won’t have me for supper.
WILLIAM:
Poor little blighter. Poor little blighter! Let him go!”
BERT:
Not till he says what he means by lots and none at all. I don’t want to have me
throat cut in me sleep! Hold his toes in the fire, till he talks!
WILLIAM:
I won’t have it, I caught him anyway.”
BERT:
You’re a fat fool, as I’ve said afore this evening.”
WILLIAM:
And you’re a lout!
BERT:
And I won’t take that from you, Bill Huggins.
NARRATOR
2: Then there was a gorgeous row. Bilbo had just enough wits left, when Bert
dropped him on the ground, to scramble out of the way of their feet, before
they were fighting like dogs, while Tomasina whacked at them both with a branch
to bring them to their senses — and that of course only made them madder than
ever.
That
would have been the time for Bilbo to have left. But his poor little feet had
been very squashed so there he lay for a while panting, just outside the circle
of firelight.
Right
in the middle of the fight up came Balin. No sooner did Tom see Balin come into
the light than he gave an awful howl. Trolls simply detest the very sight of
dwarves (uncooked). Bert and Bill stopped fighting immediately.
BERT
& BILL: A sack, Tomasina, quick! (They
put a sack over Balin’s head)
TOMASINA:
There’s more to come yet, or I’m mighty mistook. Lots and none at all, it is. No
burrahobbits, but lots of these here dwarves. That’s about the shape of it!
BERT:
I reckon you’re right, and we’d best get out of the light.
NARRATOR
2: And so they did. With sacks in their hands, that they used for carrying off
mutton and other plunder, they waited in the shadows. As each dwarf came up and
looked at the fire, and the spilled jugs, and the gnawed mutton, in surprise,
pop! went a nasty smelly sack over his head, and he was down. Soon Dwalin lay
by Balin, and Fili and Kili together, and Dori and Nori and Ori all in a heap,
and Oin and Gloin and Bifur and Bofur and Bombur piled uncomfortably near the
fire.
TOMASINA:
That’ll teach ’em.
THORIN:
What’s all this trouble? Who has been knocking my people about?
BILBO:
It’s trolls! They’re hiding in the bushes with sacks.
THORIN:
O! are they?
NARRATOR
2: He caught up a big branch all on fire at one end; and Bert got that end in
his eye before he could step aside. That put him out of the battle for a bit.
Bilbo did his best. He caught hold of Tomasina’s leg — as well as he could, it
was thick as a young tree-trunk — but he was sent spinning up into the top of
some bushes, when Tomasina kicked the sparks up in Thorin’ s face. But just at
that moment William came up behind and popped a sack right over Thorin’s head
and so the fight ended. A nice pickle they were all in now.
BERT:
Let’s roast them slowly.
BILL:
No, mince them fine and boil them.
TOM:
Let’s just sit on them one by one and squash them into jelly;
NARRATOR
2: It was just then that Gandalf came back. But no one saw him. The trolls had
just decided to roast the dwarves now and eat them later — that was Bert’s
idea, and after a lot of argument they had all agreed to it.
GANDALF:
No good roasting ’em now, it’d take all night.
NARRATOR
2: said a voice. Bert thought it was William’s.
BERT:
Don’t start the argument all over again, Bill, or it will take all night.
BILL:
Who’s a-arguing?
BERT:
You are!
BILL:
You’re a liar!
NARRATOR
2: And so the argument began all over again. In the end they decided to mince
them fine and boil them. So they got a great black pot, and they took out their
knives.
GANDALF:
No good boiling ’em! We ain’t got no water, and it’s a long way to the well and
all.
NARRATOR
2: Said a voice.
BERT,
BILL, TOMASINA: (to one another) Shut up! or we’ll never have done. And yer can
fetch the water yerself, if yer say anymore.
TOMASINA:
Shut up yerself! Who’s arguing but you, I’d like to know.
NARRATOR
2: And so the argument began all over again, and went on hotter than ever,
until at last they decided to sit on the sacks one by one and squash them, and
boil them next time.
GANDALF:
Who shall we sit on first?
NARRATOR
2: Said the voice.
BERT:
Better sit on the last fellow first.
TOM:
Don’t talk to yerself! But if you wants to sit on the last one, sit on him.
Which is he?
BERT:
The one with the yellow stockings.
GANDALF:
Nonsense, the one with the grey stockings.
NARRATOR
2: Said a voice like William’s.
BERT:
I made sure it was yellow.
BILL:
Yellow it was.
BERT:
Then what did yer say it was grey for?
BILL:
I never did. Tomasina said it.
TOMASINA:
That I never did! It was you.
BERT:
Two to one, so shut yer mouth!
BILL:
Who are you a-talkin’ to?
TOMASINA
& BERT: Now stop it! The night’s gettin’ on, and dawn comes early. Let’s
get on with it!
GANDALF:
Dawn take you all, and be stone to you!
NARRATOR
2: Said a voice that sounded like William’s. But it wasn’t. For just at that
moment the light came over the hill, and there was a mighty twitter in the
branches. William never spoke for he stood turned to stone as he stooped; and
Bert and Tomasina were stuck like rocks as they looked at him. And there they
stand to this day, all alone, unless the birds perch on them; for trolls, as
you probably know, must be underground before dawn, or they go back to the
stuff of the mountains they are made of, and never move again. That is what had
happened to Bert and Tom and William.
GANDALF:
Excellent! (as he stepped from behind a
tree, and helped Bilbo to climb down out of a thorn-bush.)
BILBO:
So it was your voice Gandalf that kept the trolls bickering and quarrelling,
until the light came and made an end of them!
GANDALF:
So it was Bilbo Baggins. So it was.
NARRATOR
2: The next thing was to untie the sacks and let out the dwarves. They were
nearly suffocated, and very annoyed: they had not at all enjoyed lying there
listening to the trolls making plans for roasting them and squashing them and
mincing them.
BOMBUR:
Silly time to go practising pinching and pocket-picking, when what we wanted
was fire and food!
GANDALF:
And that’s just what you wouldn’t have got of those fellows without a struggle,
in any case. Anyhow you are wasting time now. Don’t you realize that the trolls
must have a cave or a hole dug somewhere near to hide from the sun in? We
KILI:
There’s a cave! With er bones on the floor
FILI:
and a nasty smell in the air;
OIN:
but there Is a good deal of food here jumbled on shelves and on the ground,
GLOIN:
And an untidy litter of plunder, of all sorts from brass buttons to pots full
of gold coins standing in that corner.
BALIN:
There are lots of clothes, too, hanging on the walls — too small for trolls, I
am afraid they belonged to victims —
DWALIN:
Look! Several swords of various makes, shapes, and sizes. These two have
beautiful scabbards and jewelled hilts.
NARRATOR
2: Gandalf and Thorin each took one of these;
BILBO:
I shall take this knife in a leather sheath. It would have made only a tiny
pocket-knife for a troll, but it is as good as a short sword for a hobbit.
GANDALF:
These look like good blades. They were not made by any troll, nor by any smith
among men in these parts and days; but when we can read the runes on them, we
shall know more about them.
FILI:
Let’s get out of this horrible smell!
NARRATOR
2: After they ate they slept, for their night had been disturbed; and they did
nothing more till the afternoon. Then they brought up their ponies, and carried
away the pots of gold, and buried them very secretly not far from the track by
the river, putting a great many spells over them, just in case they ever had
the chance to come back and recover them. When that was done, they all mounted
once more, and jogged along again on the path towards the East.
THORIN:
Where did you go to, if I may ask?
GANDALF:
To look ahead.
THORIN:
And what brought you back in the nick of time?
GANDALF:
Looking behind.
THORIN:
Exactly!- but could you be more plain?
GANDALF:
I went on to spy out our road. It will soon become dangerous and difficult.
Also I was anxious about replenishing our small stock of provisions. I had not
gone very far, however, when I met a couple of friends of mine from Rivendell.
BILBO:
Where’s that?
GANDALF:
Don’t interrupt! You will get there in a few days now, if we’re lucky, and find
out all about it. As I was saying I met two of Elrond’s people. They were
hurrying along for fear of the trolls. It was they who told me that three of
them had come down from the mountains and settled in the woods not far from the
road: they had frightened everyone away from the district, and they waylaid
strangers. I immediatel y had a feeling that I was wanted back. Looking behind
I saw a fire in the distance and made for it. So now you know. Please be more
careful, next time, or we shall never get anywhere!
THORIN:
Thank you!
The Hobbit -
Chapter III - A SHORT REST
Narrator 3 - Vichar,
Bilbo, all 13 dwarves, 4 elves, Lord Elrond, Gandalf
Narrator 3: They did not sing or tell stories that day, even
though the weather improved; nor the next day, nor the day after. They had
begun to feel that danger was not far away on either side. They camped under
the stars, and their horses had more to eat than they had;
BILBO: Is that The Mountain?
BALIN: Of course not! That is only the beginning of the
Misty Mountains, and we have got to get through, even from the other side of
them to the Lonely Mountain in the East where Smaug lies on our treasure.
BILBO: O!
GANDALF: We must not miss the road, or we shall be done for.
We need food, for one thing, and rest in reasonable safety — also it is very
necessary to tackle the Misty Mountains by the proper path, or else you will
get lost in them.
KILI: Where are you making for Gandalf?
GANDALF: You are come to the very edge of the Wild, as some
of you may know. Hidden somewhere ahead of us is the fair valley of Rivendell
where Elrond lives in the Last Homely House. I sent a message by my friends,
and we are expected.
FILI: That sounds nice and comforting, but we have not got
there yet…
OIN: It is not as easy as it sounds to find the Last Homely
House west of the Mountains.
GLOIN: There seem to be no trees and no valleys and no hills
to break the ground in front of us, only one vast slope going slowly up and up
to meet the feet of the nearest mountain.
BALIN: Morning has passed, afternoon has come; but in all
the silent waste there is no sign of any
dwelling.
ORI: The house might be hidden almost anywhere between us
and the mountains!
NORI: Hello! Everyone - look down – you can see trees below
us and running water at the bottom!
DORI: Amazing! Gullies that you could almost leap over, but
very deep with waterfalls in them.
BIFUR: The only path appears to be this tiny one marked with
white stones..
BOFUR: Some of which are so small, and half covered with
moss or heather that they are impossible to see!
BOMBUR: Altogether a very slow business indeed even though
we are guided by Gandalf, who seems to know his way about pretty well.
GANDALF: Here it is at last!
NARRATOR 3: The others gathered round him and looked over
the edge. They saw a valley far below. They could hear the voice of hurrying
water in a rocky bed at the bottom; the scent of trees was in the air; and
there was a light on the valley-side across the water. Bilbo never forgot the
way they slithered and slipped in the dusk down the steep zig-zag path into the
secret valley of Rivendell.
(Enter elves,
stealthily)
O! What are you doing,
And where are you going?
Your ponies need shoeing!
The river is flowing!
The bannocks are baking!
O! tril-lil-lil-lolly
the valley is jolly,
ha! ha!
O! Where are you going
With beards all a-wagging?
No knowing, no knowing
What brings Mister Baggins
And Balin and Dwalin
down into the valley
in June ha! ha!
O! Will you be staying,
Or will you be flying?
Your ponies are straying!
The daylight is dying!
To fly would be folly,
To stay would be jolly
And listen and hark
Till the end of the dark
to our tune ha! ha!
NARRATOR 3: They were elves of course.
BILBO:I do love elves, though I seldom meet them;
KILI: We Dwarves don’t get on well with them.
FILI: Even decent dwarves like Thorin and his friends think
them foolish or get annoyed with them.
OIN: For some elves tease us and laugh at us, and most of
all at their beards.
ELF 1: Well, well! Just look! Bilbo the hobbit on a pony, my
dear! Isn’t it delicious!
ELF 2: Most astonishing - wonderful!
NARRATOR 3: Then off they went into another ridiculous song.
At last a young fellow, came out from the trees and bowed to Gandalf and to
Thorin.
ELF 3: Welcome to the valley!
THORIN: Thank you! (Gandalf was already among the elves,
talking merrily)
ELF 4: You are a little out of your way, that is, if you are
making for the only path across the water and to the house beyond. We will set
you right, but you had best get on foot, until you are over the bridge.
ELF 1: Are you going to stay a bit and sing with us, or will
you go straight on? Supper is preparing over there. I can smell the wood-fires
for the cooking.
NARRATOR 3: Tired as he was, Bilbo would have liked to stay
a while. Elvish singing is not a thing to miss, under the stars, not if you
care for such things. Also he would have liked to have a few private words with
these people that seemed to know his name and all about him, although he had
never seen them before. He thought their opinion of his adventure might be
interesting. Elves know a lot.
BIFUR, BOFOR, BOMBUR: SUPPER,
SUPPER, WE WANT OUR SUPPER!
DORI: Er do we have to cross that narrow bridge of stone
without a parapet?
ELF 2: Yes I’m afraid so – just over that, slow and careful,
one by one…
ELF 3: We elves have brought bright lanterns to the shore,
and shall sing you a merry song.
ELF 4: Don’t dip your beard in the foam, father (to Thorin)!
It is long enough without watering it.
ELVES 1 & 2: Mind Bilbo doesn’t eat all the cakes! He
will get too fat to get through
key-holes!
GANDALF: Hush, hush! Good People! and good night! Valleys
have ears, and some elves have over merry tongues. Good night!
NARRATOR 3: And so at last they all came to the Last Homely
House, and found its doors flung wide. They stayed long in that good house,
fourteen days at least, and they found it hard to leave. Bilbo would gladly
have stopped there for ever and ever. Elrond the master of the house was their
chief.
ELF 1: He is as noble as an elf-lord
Elf 2: As strong as a warrior
ELF 3: As wise as a wizard,
ELF 4: As venerable as a king of dwarves, and as kind as
summer.
ELROND: Welcome Gandalf, dwarves, and Bilbo Baggins the
Hobbit. Stay a while and rest before you proceed on your important quest.
GANDALF: Elrond knows all about runes of every kind – show
him the swords from the trolls’lair.
ELROND: These are not troll-make. They are old swords, very
old swords of the High Elves of the West, my kin. They were made in Gondolin
for the Goblin-wars. They must have come from a dragon’s hoard or goblin
plunder, for dragons and goblins destroyed that city many ages ago. This,
Thorin, the runes name Orcrist, the Goblin-cleaver in the ancient tongue of
Gondolin; it was a famous blade. This, Gandalf, was Glamdring, Foe-hammer that
the king of Gondolin once wore. Keep them well!
(exit dwarves)
THORIN: Whence did the trolls get them, I wonder?
ELROND: I could not say, but one may guess that your trolls
had plundered other plunderers, or come on the remnants of old robberies in
some hold in the mountains. I have heard that there are still forgotten
treasures of old to be found in the deserted caverns of the mines of Moria,
since the dwarf and goblin war.
THORIN: I will keep this sword in honour. May it soon cleave
goblins once again!
ELROND: A wish that is likely to be granted soon enough in
the mountains! But show me now your map!
NARRATOR 3: He took it and gazed long at it, and he shook
his head.
(Elves exit)
ELROND: It is no secret friends, that I do not altogether
approve of dwarves and their love of gold, I hate dragons and their cruel
wickedness, and I grieve to remember the ruin of the town of Dale and its merry
bells, and the burned banks of the bright River Running.
NARRATOR 3: The moon was shining in a broad silver crescent.
Lord Elrond held up the map and the white light shone through it.
ELROND: What is this? There are moon-letters here, beside
the plain runes which say ‘five feet high the door and three may walk abreast.
BILBO: What are moon-letters? This is all rather exciting. I
do love maps, and I also like runes and
letters and cunning handwriting, though when I write it is a bit thin and
spidery.
ELROND: Moon-letters are rune-letters, but you cannot see
them, not when you look straight at them. They can only be seen when the moon
shines behind them, and what is more, with the more cunning sort it must be a
moon of the same shape and season as the day when they were written. The
dwarves invented them and wrote them with silver pens, as your friends could
tell you. These must have been written on a midsummer’s eve in a crescent moon,
a long while ago.
GANDALF & THORIN: What do they say?
ELROND: “Stand by the grey stone when the thrush knocks, and
the setting sun with the last light of Durin’s Day will shine upon the
key-hole.”
THORIN: Durin, Durin! He was the father of the fathers of
the eldest race of Dwarves, the Longbeards, and my first ancestor: I am his
heir.
ELROND: Then what is Durin’s Day?
THORIN: The first day of the dwarves’ New Year, is as all
should know the first day of the last moon of Autumn on the threshold of
Winter. We still call it Durin’s Day when the last moon of Autumn and the sun
are in the sky together. But this will not help us much, I fear, for it passes
our skill in these days to guess when such a time will come again.
GANDALF: That remains to be seen. Is there any more writing?
ELROND: None to be seen by this moon.
NARRATOR 3: And he gave the map back to Thorin; and then
they went down to the water to see the elves dance and sing upon the
midsummer’s eve. The days passed quickly.
THORIN: Your hospitality has been excellent Lord Elrond.
KILI: This house was perfect, whether you liked food
FILI: or sleep…
KILI: or work…
FILI: or story-telling..
KILI: or singing…
FILI: or just sitting and thinking best, or a pleasant
mixture of them all.
OIN: Evil things do not come into this valley.
GLOIN: Oh the tales and the songs that we have heard in this
house!
BALIN: All of us, our ponies as well, have grown refreshed
and strong in our few days here.
DWALIN: Our clothes are mended as well as our bruises, our
tempers and our hopes.
ORI: Our bags are filled once again with food and provisions
light to carry but strong to bring us over the mountain passes.
NORI: Our plans are improved with the best advice.
DORI: So the time has come this midsummer eve, and we are to
go on again with the early sun on midsummer morning.
ELROND: I trust you have had a pleasant stay before you proceed
on your important mission?
THORIN: We have indeed – you have been an excellent host
Lord Elrond.
BIFUR: It is morning - a midsummer’s morning as fair and
fresh as could be dreamed: blue sky and never a cloud, and the sun dancing on
the water.
BOFUR: Come brothers, now we ride away amid songs of
farewell and good speed.
BOMBUR: Indeed, with hearts ready for more adventure.
NARRATOR 3: And they set off with a knowledge of the road
they must follow over the Misty Mountains to the land beyond.
Chapter
IV
OVER
HILL AND UNDER HILL
NARRATOR
4, BILBO, GANDALF, KILI, FILI, OIN, GLOIN, BALIN, DWALIN, ORI, NORI, DORI,
THORIN, BIFUR, BOFUR, BOMBUR, GREAT GOBLIN, GOBLINS 1-6, THE GREAT GOBLIN.
Narrator
4: There were many paths that led up into those mountains, and many passes over
them. But most of the paths were cheats and deceptions and led nowhere or to
bad ends; and most of the passes were infested by evil things and dreadful
dangers. The dwarves and the hobbit, helped by the wise advice of Elrond and
the knowledge and memory of Gandalf, took the right road to the right pass. Bilbo
shivered.
BILBO:
It is getting bitterly cold up here, and the wind comes shrill among the rocks.
Boulders, too!
GANDALF:
Yes Bilbo Baggins, these nights have been comfortless and chilly.
KILI:
And we dare not sing or talk too loud, for the echoes are uncanny…
FILI:
Aye, and the silence seems to dislike being broken.
BILBO:
The summer is getting on down below, and haymaking is going on - and picnics.
They will be harvesting and blackberrying, before we even begin to go down the
other side at this rate.
NARRATOR
4: And the others were thinking equally gloomy thoughts, although when they had
said good-bye to Elrond in the high hope of a midsummer morning, they had
spoken gaily of the passage of the mountains, and of riding swift across the
lands beyond.
OIN:
We had thought of coming to the secret door in the Lonely Mountain, perhaps that very last moon of Autumn —
GLOIN:
And perhaps it will be Durin’s Day, we had said.
BALIN:
Only Gandalf had shaken his head and said nothing.
DWALIN:
Aye, we Dwarves have not passed that way for many years, but Gandalf has, and
he knows how evil and danger have grown in the Wild, since the dragons have
driven men from the lands…
ORI:…And
the goblins have spread in secret after the battle of the Mines of Moria.
NARRATOR
4:Even the good plans of wise wizards like Gandalf and of good friends like
Elrond go astray sometimes when you are off on dangerous adventures over the
Edge of the Wild; and Gandalf was a wise enough wizard to know it.
NORI:
Gandalf knows that something unexpected might happen…
DORI:
He hardly dares to hope that we will pass without a fearful adventure over those great tall mountains with lonely peaks
and valleys where no king rules.
NARRATOR
4: However, all was well, until one day they met a thunderstorm — more than a
thunderstorm, a thunder-battle - when two great thunderstorms meet and clash.
The lightning splinters on the peaks, and rocks shiver, and great crashes split
the air and go rolling and tumbling into every cave and hollow; Bilbo had never
seen or imagined anything of the kind.
THORIN:
This won’t do at all! If we don’t get blown off, or drowned, or struck by
lightning, we shall be picked up by some giant and kicked sky-high for a
football.
GANDALF:
Well, if you know of anywhere better, take us there!
THORIN:
I intend to. Fili and Kili - off you both go to look for a better shelter. Being
the youngest of the dwarves you have sharp eyes. There is nothing like looking,
if you want to find something.
FILI
& KILI: Yes Thorin. (exit)
NARRATOR
4: You certainly usually find something, if you look, but it is not always
quite the something you were after. So it proved on this occasion.
NARRATOR
4: Soon Fili and Kili came crawling back, holding on to the rocks in the wind.
FILI:
We have found a dry cave, not far round the next corner;
KILI:
And ponies and all could get inside.
GANDALF:
Have you thoroughly explored it?
KILI
& FILI: Yes, yes! It isn’t all that big.
(SOUND:
wind howling and thunder growling)
BIFUR:
AAAH it is good to hear the wind and the rain on the OUTSIDE instead of all around
us…
BOFUR:
And to feel safe from the thunder giants and their rocks!
GANDALF:
Hmm, well I’m taking no risks. I shall use my wand, and by its light we shall
all explore the cave from end to end.
NARRATOR
4: And that is precisely what they did.
BOMBUR:
It seems quite a fair size, not too large and mysterious.
OIN
and GLOIN: Can we light a fire at the door to dry our clothes?
GANDALF:
No you foolish dwarves! I will not hear of it.
NARRATOR
4: So they spread out their wet things on the floor, and they talked and
talked, and forgot about the storm, and discussed what each would do with his
share of the treasure when they got it; and so they dropped off to sleep one by
one.
BILBO
(tossing and turning) Oh! What a nasty dream! I dreamt that a crack in the wall
at the back of the cave got bigger and bigger, and opened wider and wider, and
that the floor of the cave was giving way, and we were slipping — down,
goodness knows where to. Oh my goodness! A crack HAS opened and there go the
last of the ponies’ tails disappearing into it. AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!
NARRATOR
4: Out jumped the goblins, ugly-looking goblins, lots of goblins, they were all
grabbed and carried through the crack, before you could say tinder and flint.
But not Gandalf. Bilbo’s yell had woken him and when the crack closed with a
snap, and Bilbo and the dwarves were on the wrong side of it! Where was
Gandalf?
GOBLIN
1: Where is that wizard chap?
GOBLIN
2: I haven’t any idea! Have you brother Goblin?
GOBLIN
3: I certainly have not, and am not about to wait to find out.
NARRATOR
4: They seized Bilbo and the dwarves and hurried them along. It was deep, deep,
dark, but the goblins knew their way, it was most horribly stuffy. The goblins
were very rough, and pinched unmercifully, and chuckled and laughed.
(LIGHT - a glimmer of a red light - The goblins begIn to sing, or croak,
and shaking their prisoners as well.)
GOBLINS
4 & 5: Clap! Snap! the black crack!
Grip,
grab! Pinch, nab!
GOBLIN
6: And down down to Goblin-town
You
go, my lad!
GOBLINS
1 & 2: Clash, crash! Crush, smash!
Hammer
and tongs! Knocker and gongs! Pound, pound, far underground!
Ho,
ho! my lad!
GOBLINS
3 & 4: Swish, smack! Whip crack!
Batter
and beat! Yammer and bleat! Work, work! Nor dare to shirk,
GOBLINS
5 & 6: While Goblins quaff, and Goblins laugh, Round and round far
underground - Below, my lad!
NARRATOR
4: The general meaning of the song was only too plain; for now the goblins took
out whips and whipped them with a swish, smack!, and set them running as fast
as they could in front of them; and more than one of the dwarves were already
yammering and bleating like anything, when they stumbled into a big cavern lit
by a great red fire. I am afraid they never saw those excellent little ponies
again, for goblins eat horses and ponies, and they are always hungry.
GOBLIN
1: Let’s chain their hands behind their backs
GOBLIN
2: And linked them all together in a line…
GOBLIN
3: And drag them to the far end of the cavern.
Bilbo
was at the end of the row.
OIN:
Who is that there in the shadows with the huge head? , and armed
GLOIN:
Their leader perhaps. I have heard it said that goblins are cruel, wicked, and
bad-hearted.
BALIN:
They make no beautiful things, but they make many clever ones.
DWALIN:
They can tunnel and mine as well as any but the most skilled dwarves, when they
take the trouble, though they are usually untidy and dirty.
ORI:
Hammers, axes, swords, daggers, pickaxes, tongs, and also instruments of
torture, they make very well.
NORI:
Or get other people to make to their design.
DORI:
Prisoners and slaves that have to work till they die for want of air and light.
BIFUR:
Explosions delight them!
BOFUR: they hate everybody and everything…
BOMBUR:
And unfortunately for us they had a special grudge against Thorin’ s people,
because of the war!
GREAT
GOBLIN: Who are these miserable persons?
GOBLIN
1: Dwarves, and this! We found them sheltering in our Front Porch.
GREAT
GOBLIN: What do you mean by it? Up to no good, I’ll warrant! Spying on the
private business of my people, I guess! Thieves, I shouldn’t be surprised to
learn! Murderers and friends of Elves, not unlikely! Come! What have you got to
say?
THORIN:
Thorin the dwarf at your service! Of the things which you suspect and imagine
we had no idea at all. We sheltered from a storm in what seemed a convenient cave and unused; nothing was further from our
thoughts than inconveniencing goblins in any way whatever.
GREAT
GOBLIN: Um! So you say! Might I ask what you were doing up in the mountains at
all, and where you were coming from, and where you were going to? In fact I
should like to know all about you. Not that it will do you much good, Thorin
Oakenshield, I know too much about your folk already; but let’s have the truth,
or I will prepare something particularly uncomfortable for you!”
THORIN:
We were on a journey to visit our relatives, our nephews and nieces, and first,
second, and third cousins, and the other descendants of our grandfathers, who
live on the East side of these truly hospitable mountains.
GOBLIN
2: He is a liar, O truly tremendous one! Also he has not explained this sword!
NARRATOR
4: He held out the sword which Thorin had worn, the sword which came from the
Trolls’ lair. The Great Goblin gave a truly awful howl of rage when he looked
at it, and all his soldiers gnashed their teeth, clashed their shields, and
stamped.
GOBLIN
3: We know that sword! It killed hundreds of goblins in its time!
GOBLIN
4: I remember, when the elves of Gondolin hunted us in the hills.
GOBLIN
5: They had called it Orcrist, Goblin-cleaver…
GOBLIN
6: But to us goblins it was Biter.
GOBLINS
(ALL): Oh we HATED it and hated worse any one that carried it!
GREAT
GOBLIN: Murderers and elf-friends! Slash them! Beat them! Bite them! Gnash them! Take them away to dark holes full of
snakes, and never let them see the light again!
(He jumps off his throne and rushes at Thorin with his mouth open.)
NARRATOR
4: Just at that moment all the lights in the cavern went out, and the great
fire went off poof! into a tower of blue glowing smoke, right up to the roof,
that scattered piercing white sparks all among the goblins.
(Yells and howls, growls and curses. Smoke and all falling over one
another and rolling in heaps on the floor, biting and kicking and fighting as
if all mad.)
NARRATOR
4: Suddenly a sword flashed. Bilbo saw it go right through the Great Goblin as
he stood dumbfounded in the middle of his rage. He fell, and the goblin
soldiers fled shrieking into the darkness.
GANDALF:
Follow me quick! Quicker, quicker! The torches will soon be relit.
BILBO:
Gandalf! Of course it would be you Gandalf; how did you get here?
GANDALF:
I need to take out this sword again, just look at it burning with a rage that
makes it gleam if goblins are about; cutting through the goblin-chains will be
no trouble at all. This sword’s name was Glamdring the Foe-hammer, if you
remember. The goblins just called it Beater, and hated it worse than Biter.
NARRATOR
4: Orcrist, too, had been saved; for Gandalf had brought it along as well,
snatching it from one of the terrified guards. Gandalf thought of most things;
and though he could not do everything, he could do a great deal for friends in
a tight corner.
GANDALF:
Are we all here? (handing his sword back to Thorin with a bow) Let me see: one
— that’s Thorin; two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven;
where are Fili and Kili? Here they are! twelve, thirteen — and here’s Mr.
Baggins: fourteen! Well, well! it might be worse, and then again it might be a
good deal better. No ponies, and no food, and no knowing quite where we are,
and hordes of angry goblins just behind! On we go!”
NARRATOR
4: On they went. Gandalf was quite right: they began to hear goblin noises and
horrible cries far behind in the passages they had come through. That sent them
on faster than ever, and poor Bilbo could not possibly go half as fast — for
dwarves can roll along at a tremendous pace, I can tell you,
GOBLINS
1, 2, 3: Dwarves go fast, but we goblins go faster, and these goblins knew the
way better
GOBLINS
4, 5, 6: we are MADLY angry; and THEY
are getting deadly tired.
BILBO:
Why, O why did I ever leave my hobbit-hole!
BOMBUR:
Why, O why did we ever bring a wretched hobbit on a treasure hunt.
GANDALF:
About turn! Draw your sword Thorin!
NARRATOR
4: There was nothing else to be done; and the goblins did not like it. They
came scurrying round the corner in full cry, and found Goblin-cleaver, and
Foe-hammer shining cold and bright right in their astonished eyes.
GOBLINS
(ALL): Biter and Beater! (goblins exit
howling)
NARRATOR
4: The party proceeded, when quite suddenly Dori, now at the back again helping Bilbo, was grabbed from behind in the
dark.
DORI:
Aaaghhhhh! (he shouted and fell)
NARRATOR
4: And the hobbit rolled off into the blackness, bumped his head on hard rock,
and remembered nothing more.
Chapter
V
RIDDLES
IN THE DARK
Narrator
5 - Tia, Gollum - Zai, Bilbo - Vishnu, Goblins 1-6 (Diya Arun, Harschith,
Narayan, Siddharth, Sidharth, Tim), Great Goblin - Armaan
NARRATOR
5: When Bilbo opened his eyes, he could hear nothing, see nothing, and he could
feel nothing except the stone of the floor; nothing at all, no sign of goblins,
no sign of dwarves. His head was swimming, and he crawled along till suddenly
his hand met a tiny ring of cold metal lying on the floor of the tunnel. It was
a turning point in his career, but he did not know it.
BILBO:
(Sitting down head in hands) I give up…I can’t think what to do; nor what has happened;
or why he had been left behind; or why, I have been left behind (drawing out a
dagger that is shining pale blue) So it is an elvish blade, too, and goblins
are not very near, and yet not far enough. What shall I do? Go back? No good at
all! Go sideways? Impossible! Go forward? Only thing to do! On we go!
NARRATOR
5: So up he got, and trotted along with his little sword held in front of him
and one hand feeling the wall, and his heart all of a patter and a pitter. I
should not have liked to have been in Mr. Baggins’ place, all the same. The
tunnel seemed to have no end.
BILBO:
Oh I am tired – so very tired. Will this tunnel never end?
NARRATOR
5: Suddenly without any warning he trotted splash into water! Ugh! it was icy
cold. He stopped, and he could hear, when he listened hard, drops drip-drip-
dripping from an unseen roof into the water below; but there seemed no other
sort of sound.
BILBO:
So it is a pool or a lake, and not an underground river.
NARRATOR
5: Still he did not dare to wade out into the darkness. He could not swim; and
he thought, too, of nasty slimy things, with big bulging blind eyes, wriggling
in the water. Now, deep down here by the dark water lived old Gollum, a small
slimy creature. I don’t know where it came from, nor who or what it was. Gollum
— was as dark as darkness, except for two big round pale eyes; Gollum was
looking out for blind fish, to grab and eat. Gollum liked meat too. Goblin was
tasty good,throttled from behind, if they ever came down alone anywhere near
the edge of the water, while he was prowling about. They very seldom did, for
they had a feeling that something unpleasant was lurking down there.
GOLLUM:
Bless us and splash us, my precioussss! I guess it’s a choice feast; at least a
tasty morsel it’d make us, gollum!
BILBO:
Who are you?
GOLLUM:
What iss he, my preciouss?
BILBO:
I am Mr. Bilbo Baggins. I have lost the dwarves and I have lost the wizard, and
I don’t know where I am; and I don’t want to know, if only I can get away.
GOLLUM:
What’s he got in his handses?
BILBO:
A sword, a blade which came out of Gondolin!
GOLLUM:
Sssss. Praps ye sits here and chats with it a bitsy, my preciousss. It likes
riddles, praps it does, does it?
NARRATOR
5: Gollum was anxious to appear friendly, and find out more about the sword and
the hobbit, whether he was quite alone really, whether he was good to eat.
BILBO:
Very well.
NARRATOR
5: Bilbo, who was anxious to agree, until he found out more about the creature,
whether it was quite alone, whether it was fierce or hungry, and whether it was
a friend of the goblins.
BILBO:
You ask first.
GOLLUM:
What has roots as nobody sees, Is taller than trees, Up, up it goes, And yet never grows ?
BILBO:
Easy! Mountain, I suppose.
GOLLUM:
Does it guess easy? It must have a competition with us, my preciouss! If
precious asks, and it doesn’t answer, we eats it, my preciousss. If it asks us,
and we doesn’t answer, then we does what it wants, eh? We shows it the way out,
yes!
BILBO:
All right! Thirty white horses on a red hill, First they champ, Then they stamp, Then they stand still.
GOLLUM:
Chestnuts, chestnuts, Teeth! teeth! my preciousss; but we has only six!
Voiceless
it cries,
Wingless
flutters,
Toothless
bites,
Mouthless
mutters.
BILBO:
Half a moment! Wind, wind of course.
Hmm
This’ll puzzle the nasty little underground creature:
An
eye in a blue face saw an eye in a green face. That eye is like to this
eye
Said
the first eye, But in low place - Not in high place.
GOLLUM:
Ss, ss, ss, Sss, sss, my preciouss, Sun on the daisies it means, it does.
NARRATOR
5: But these ordinary above ground everyday sort of riddles were tiring for Gollum.
Also they reminded of days when Gollum had been less lonely and sneaky and
nasty, and made Gollum hungry; so this riddle was a bit more difficult and more
unpleasant:
It
cannot be seen, cannot be felt, Cannot be heard, cannot be smelt.
It
lies behind stars and under hills, And empty holes it fills.
It
comes first and follows after, Ends life, kills laughter.
NARRATOR
5: Unfortunately for Gollum Bilbo had heard that sort of thing before; and the
answer was all round him any way.
BILBO:
Dark!
A
box without hinges, key, or lid, Yet golden treasure inside is hid.
(GOLLUM
hisses for a long time)
BILBO:
Well, what is it? The answer’s not a kettle boiling over, as you seem to think
from the noise you are making.
GOLLUM:
Give us a chance; let it give us a chance, my preciouss — ss — ss.”
BILBO:
Well, what about your guess?
NARRATOR
5: But suddenly Gollum remembered thieving from nests long ago, and sitting
under the river bank teaching his grandmother, teaching his grandmother to suck
— “Eggses!” he hissed. “Eggses it is!”
GOLLUM:
Alive without breath, As cold as death; Never thirsty, ever drinking, All in
mail never clinking.
NARRATOR
5: Bilbo cleared his throat once or twice, but no answer came.
GOLLUM:
Is it nice, my preciousss? Is it juicy? Is it scrumptiously crunchable?
BILBO:
Half a moment, I gave you a good long chance just now.
GOLLUM;
It must make haste, haste!
BILBO:
Ugh!- it is cold and clammy! Fish! fish! It is fish!
NARRATOR
5: Gollum was dreadfully disappointed; but Bilbo asked another riddle as quick
as ever he could, so that Gollum had to think.
BILBO:
No-legs lay on one-leg, two-legs sat near on three-legs, four-legs got some. It
was not really the right time for this riddle, but Bilbo was in a hurry.
GOLLUM:
Fish on a little table, man at table sitting on a stool, the cat has the bones.
This thing all things devours: Birds, beasts, trees, flowers; Gnaws iron, bites
steel; Grinds hard stones to meal; Slays king, ruins town, And beats high
mountain down.
NARRATOR
5: Poor Bilbo sat in the dark thinking of all the horrible names of all the giants and ogres he had ever heard told of
in tales, but not one of them had done all these things. He had a feeling that
the answer was quite different and that he ought to know it, but he could not
think of it. He began to get frightened, and that is bad for thinking.
BILBO:
Time! Time!
NARRATOR
5: Bilbo was saved by pure luck. For that of course was the answer.Gollum was
disappointed once more; and was getting angry, and tired of the game.
GOLLUM:
It’s got to ask uss a quesstion, my preciouss, yes, yess, yesss. Jusst one more
question to guess, yes, yess.
NARRATOR
5: But Bilbo simply could not think of any question with that nasty wet cold thing sitting next to him, and pawing and
poking him. He scratched himself, he pinched himself; still he could not think
of anything.
GOLLUM:
Ask us! ask us!
NARRATOR
5: Bilbo pinched himself and slapped himself; he gripped on his little sword;
he even felt in his pocket with his other hand. There he found the ring he had
picked up in the passage and forgotten about.
BILBO:
What have I got in my pocket?
NARRATOR
5: He was talking to himself, but Gollum thought it was a riddle, and he was
frightfully upset.
GOLLUM:
Not fair! not fair! It isn’t fair, my precious, is it, to ask us what it’s got
in its nassty little pocketses?
NARRATOR
5: Bilbo stuck to his question.
BILBO:
What have I got in my pocket?
GOLLUM:
S-s-s-s-s. It must give us three guesseses, my preciouss, three guesseses.
BILBO:
Very well! Guess away!
GOLLUM:
Handses!
BILBO:
Wrong. Guess again!
GOLLUM:
S-s-s-s-s, Knife!
BILBO:
Wrong! Last guess!
NARRATOR
5: Now Gollum was in a much worse state than when Bilbo had asked the
egg-question.
(Gollum
hissing, spluttering, rocking backwards and forwards)
BILBO:
Come on! I am waiting!
NARRATOR
5: He tried to sound bold and cheerful, but he did not feel at all sure how the
game was going to end, whether Gollum guessed right or not.
BILBO:
Time’s up!
GOLLUM:
String, or nothing!
BILBO:
Both wrong!
NARRATOR
5: He jumped at once to his feet, put his back to the nearest wall, and held
out his little sword. He knew, of course, that the riddle-game was sacred and
even wicked creatures were afraid to cheat. But he felt he could not trust this
slimy thing to keep any promise, and after all that last question had not been
a genuine riddle according to the ancient laws.
BILBO:
Well? What about your promise? I want to go. You must show me the way.
GOLLUM:
Did we say so, precious? Show the nassty little Baggins the way out, yes, yes.
But what has it got in its pocketses, eh? Not string, precious, but not
nothing. Oh no! Gollum!
BILBO:
Never you mind. A promise is a promise.
GOLLUM:
Cross it is, impatient, precious. But it must wait, yes it must. We can’t go up
the tunnels so hasty. We must go and get some things first, yes, things to help
us.
BILBO:
Well, hurry up!
NARRATOR
5: Bilbo thought Gollum was just making an excuse and did not mean to come
back. But he was wrong. Gollum did mean to come back. Gollum was angry now and
hungry - a miserable wicked creature, with a plan. Not far away was an island, where
Gollum had kept a golden ring, a precious ring.
GOLLUM:
My birthday-present! That’s what we wants now, yes; we wants it!
NARRATOR
5: Gollum wanted it because it was a ring of power, and if you slipped that
ring on your finger, you were invisible; only in the full sunlight could you be
seen, and then only by your shadow, and that would be shaky and faint.
GOLLUM:
My birthday-present! It came to me on my birthday, my precious. Quite safe, yes.
It won’t see us, will it, my precious? No. It won’t see us, and its nassty
little sword will be useless, yes quite.
NARRATOR
5: That is what was in Gollum’s wicked little mind.Bilbo waited. Suddenly he
heard a screech. It sent a shiver down his back. Gollum was cursing and wailing
away in the gloom, not very far off by the sound of it.. on the island,
scrabbling here and there, searching and seeking in vain.
GOLLUM:
Where iss it? Where iss it? Losst it is, my precious, lost, lost! Curse us and
crush us, my precious is lost!
BILBO:
What’s the matter? What have you lost?
GOLLUM:
It mustn’t ask us, Not its business, no, gollum! It’s losst, gollum, gollum,
gollum.
BILBO:
Well, so am I, and I want to get unlost. And I won the game, and you promised.
So come along! Come and let me out, and then go on with your looking! Come
along!
GOLLUM:
No, not yet, precious! We must search for it, it’s lost, gollum.
BILBO:
But you never guessed my last question, and you promised.
GOLLUM:
Never guessed! What has it got in its pocketses? Tell us that. It must tell
first.”
NARRATOR
5: As far as Bilbo knew, there was no particular reason why he should not tell.
BILBO:
Answers were to be guessed not given!
GOLLUM:
But it wasn’t a fair question. Not a riddle, precious, no.
BILBO:
Oh well, if it’s a matter of ordinary questions, then I asked one first. What
have you lost? Tell me that!
GOLLUM:
What has it got in its pocketses?
BILBO:
What have you lost?
NARRATOR
5: But now the light in Gollum’ s eyes had become a green fire, and it was
coming swiftly nearer. Bilbo could not guess what had maddened the wretched
creature, but he saw that all was up, and that Gollum meant to murder him at
any rate. Just in time he turned and ran blindly back up the dark passage down
which he had come, keeping close to the wall and feeling it with his left hand.
GOLLUM:
What has it got in its pocketses?
BILBO:
What have I, I wonder?
NARRATOR
5: He panted and stumbled along. He put his left hand in his pocket. The ring
felt very cold as it quietly slipped on to his groping forefinger. The hiss was
close behind him. Terrified, he fell flat with his little sword under him. In a
moment Gollum was on him. But before Bilbo could do anything, Gollum passed by,
taking no notice of him, cursing and whispering. What could it mean?
GOLLUM:
Curse it! curse it! curse it! Curse the Baggins! It’s gone! What has it got in
its pocketses? Oh we guess, we guess, my precious. He’s found it, yes he must
have. My birthday-present.
NARRATOR
5: Suddenly Gollum sat down and began to weep, a whistling and gurgling sound
horrible to listen to.
GOLLUM:
It’s no good going back there to search, no. The Baggins has got it in its
pocketses; the nassty noser has found it, we says. But it doesn’t know what the
present can do, does it? It’ll just keep it in its pocketses. It doesn’t know,
and it can’t go far. Sshhh Ssshhhh Goblinses! One of the goblinses will put it
on, and then no one will see him. He’ll be there but not seen. Not even our
clever eyeses will notice him; and he’ll come creepsy and tricksy and catch us,
gollum, gollum!
NARRATOR
5: BILBO followed. His head was in a whirl of hope and wonder. It seemed that
the ring he had was a magic ring: it made you invisible! - there it was: Gollum
with his bright eyes had passed him by. On they went, Gollum flip-flapping
ahead, hissing and cursing; Bilbo behind going as softly as a hobbit can.
GOLLUM:
Seven right, yes. Six left, yes! This is it. This is the way to the back-door,
yes. Here’s the passage! But we dursn’t go in, precious, no we dursn’t.
Goblinses down there. Lots of goblinses. We smells them. Ssss! What shall we
do? Curse them and crush them! We must wait here, precious, wait a bit and see.
NARRATOR
5: Bilbo crept away from the wall more quietly than a mouse; but Gollum
stiffened at once, and sniffed, and hissed softly but menacingly. Gollum could
not see the hobbit, but now he was on the alert, and he had other senses that
the darkness had sharpened: hearing and smell. Bilbo could see or feel that Gollum
was tense as a bowstring, gathered for a spring.
BILBO:
I must fight. I must stab the foul thing, put its eyes out, kill it. It meant
to kill me. No, not a fair fight. I am invisible now. Gollum had no sword.
Gollum had not actually threatened to kill me, or tried to yet.
NARRATOR
5: A sudden understanding, a pity mixed with horror, welled up in Bilbo’s
heart: a glimpse of endless unmarked days without light or hope of betterment,
hard stone, cold fish, sneaking and whispering. All these thoughts passed in a
flash of a second. He trembled. And then quite suddenly in another flash, as if
lifted by a new strength and resolve, he leaped over Gollum’ s head he jumped.
(Gollum threw himself backwards, and grabbed as the hobbit flew over
him, but too late: his hands snapped on thin air, and Bilbo, falling fair on
his sturdy feet, sped off down the new tunnel).
A blood-curdling shriek, filled with hatred and despair.
GOLLUM:
Thief, thief, thief! Baggins! We hates it, we hates it, we hates it for ever!
NARRATOR
5: Scuttling as fast as his legs would carry him he turned the last corner and
came suddenly right into an open space, where the light, after all that time in
the dark, seemed dazzlingly bright. Really it was only a leak of sunshine in
through a doorway, where a great door, a stone door, was left standing open.
Bilbo blinked, and then suddenly he saw
the goblins: aroused, alert, ready for anything. They saw him – the ring not on
his finger. With yells of delight the goblins rushed upon him. Bilbo struck his
hands into his pockets. And there was the ring still, and he slipped it onto
his finger. The goblins stopped short. He had vanished.
GOBLIN
1: Where is it?
GOBLINS
2 & 3: Go back up the passage!
GOBLIN
4: This way!
GOBLIN
5 + 6: That way!
GREAT
GOBLIN: Look out for the door!
NARRATOR
5: Whistles blew, armour clashed, swords rattled, goblins cursed and swore and
ran hither and thither, falling over one another and getting very angry. There was a terrible outcry, to-do, and
disturbance.
BILBO:
I must get to the door, I must get to the door
NARRATOR 5: And
so with the ring on, slipping in and out of the shadows, Bilbo made it through
the door and out into the trees, running quick and quiet, and keeping out of
the sun; so soon the goblins went back grumbling and cursing to guard the door.
Bilbo had escaped!
